i honestly have no idea what i've been doing for the past month or so, but it hasn't involved seeing people or being part of my community much at all. i think it started because i became so incredibly wrapped up in CMS stuff at work, then i got overwhelmed, then we went to NYC and it was a really difficult trip because of the heat, and it threw me off various tracks, and then when i got home.... well, i don't know what happened since then.
yesterday in the car on the way to fry's i said to oliver something like "i don't know if you've noticed but i haven't really been taking care of myself," and he nodded and sort of itemized the situation, which went something like, yes, you're staying up till 3am every night in a virtual world and you're not eating breakfast... and i can't remember what else he said, but i'll add the rest on, which is, i've been drinking far too much coffee, and not going to yoga, and overworking myself on top of the second life problem. but, the scary thing is that i'm getting a lot of stuff done still.. life hasn't actually fallen apart like it usually does during times like this. work is getting done, i'm paying my bills on time and keeping the house in order and all that boring shit. the reason that's scary is that it means that i really must not be sleeping very much or taking very much time for my own care (yoga, baths, sleep, noncomputer things) at all. because if i was some of that other stuff would be lagging.
so anyway i got sick. at the end about a month of overwork and overcoffee and isolation inside the game, bman work and couply things with oliver, and a total lack of yoga, i've gotten a horrible cold. a four day long cold is unheard of for me. and the whole time, i'm like... fretting because i'm not getting things done for burning man. and i still can't sleep, even though it's now been two days without coffee OR second life, amazing, i know. clearly i do need to shake things up a bit, for myself, and reground. i feel so disconnected and disassociated, i can't even remember most of what might be good about burning man.
maybe tomorrow i'll be done being sick?
i'm sitting here rereading old journals, and realizing that i was sick in june, too. that's really bad. it's so rare for me to get sick so much. too much stress. gotta knock it off.
i also found this recent comment i made about the upcoming game Spore:
"but perhaps i just want to always have access to fantasy in games. if spore was a game where i could be a magical kitten that hangs out with unicorns, i'd be way more into it. there, i said it."
dude, no wonder i love second life so much. being a magical kitten who hangs out with unicorns is totally possible there.
and finally, this is important:
"i want to remind myself that even during this stressful busy time, when i'm so focused on work and logistics and saturn things, that i need to take care of myself. by sleeping, daydreaming, going to yoga, eating ok, eating vitamins. it will make everything easier."
