recently, i was lamenting how much i missed my hometown, san francisco, to my friend davel. he is completely awesome so he sent me an SF care package, the contents of which i will now detail for you:

the box itself. clearly from san francisco. hooray, i got a package!

first item inside the package: something from chinatown! a box. i will open it!

tiny pretend crickets chirping electronically! good luck!
the next day, my roomate on chat:

[08:45] [=Beep!=] bcm sent you a beep!
[08:46] <*bcm*> that little box with the grasshoppers was flipping out and i wanted to
[08:46] <*bcm*> kill myself until i figured out what it was

ah ha, rolling papers! the sweet smell of ganja soaked hippies is conjured immediately. but zigzag papers are made in france - do i sense a subtext of this particular item? a comment on san francisco unpatriotic politics?!? french made?!?! ok maybe not.

obviously a tool of lesbians. san francisco is FULL OF THEM. you can't see it but the dental dam came from good vibrations, so you know it has definitely been handled by free-loving gay-marrying san francisco sinners.

i do not understand the tea.

not only linux magazine, but linux magazine in japanese. two birds with one stone here: geeks & japanophiles. two overlapping populations which love to make a home in SF, where they are free to wear stained open source t-shirts while shopping at kid robot.

this is my favorite thing from the box. sage.

aww nice label on the sage. mt shasta!

aww hello kitty in san francisco! is she in alamo square?!? look out for the dog poop hello kitty!

♥!!

concepts so far today:
interpol
the bob dylan lyrics: she said 'you been gone' / i said 'that's only natural'
paper within reach
meeting (unprepared)
friday - impending sleep
desperate need for self expression, dancing, poetry, neptune
coffee
hermeticism and the world soul
can't wait for summer
certain satisfactions of life & accomplishments
deep love
the complex mythologies people create about each other

it's 11am. that's two hours i've been awake. what else can we fit into today?

click here to understand what has been happening musically for me since yesterday
...

i've been reading the astrology of personality by dane rudhyar on the train. this morning i was telling someone that though i haven't read it before, it feels like i've read it before. it covers the philosophy of western psychological astrology completely, because it basically defined that philosophy back in the 30s, on the tail of theosophy. reading it is very satisfying and affirming!

taking a little break from schoolwork this week. the next term begins monday, though, so i will need to ramp up again - i'd like to get this last overdue paper in before the term gets into full swing.

it occurs to me, however, that reading rudhyar isn't really a break from school, since this term that is starting will cover contemporary history of astrology and no doubt include rudhyar.

ALSO: i have been reading alan moore's "watchmen." and loving it. i love how much subtle subversive crap there is it. and not so subtle. dr. manhattan's understanding of time gratifies me. so does the gordian knot lock company.

...

monday night i went to yoga at integral yoga. it had been so long since i had been inside my body, i really needed it. i calmed down immediately, partially due to the asanas and partially due to the ridiculously soothing manner of the dreadlocked baritone that led the class.

i've noticed when i try to be with myself here, either in simple meditation or in an asana, my mind is very hard to focus. worse than it's ever been. i suppose it's not big surprise: new york city, working full time, school, etc. but when it happens it really wakes me up to the fact that it's important for me to focus on being present and quieting my mind, on a regular basis, or i will lose my ability to be receptive and thoughtful.

i've put myself in an environment where being spiritual isn't easy. for the past 5 or 6 years, i've taken my own acceptance and spirituality for granted, mainly because i was in environments that supported it. it is easy to be a gentle meditating pot smoking unicorn drawing dreadlocked lover in san francisco. or omega. ... calm and quiet, receptive to the subtleties of life. but with ease comes laziness! now that i am here in this town of kinetic horrors, focusing the mind and maintaining spirit is a real triumph; it's hard work, and anytime i accomplish it, it reinforces my true nature.

...

i've gotten a few thoughtful emails in the past few weeks that i haven't responded to. i'm not feeling terribly guilty about that, mainly because guilt accomplishes little, but it does occur to me that i need to work on ways to show thoughtful appreciation of my friends.

♥

...

friday night i am flying to los angeles for just a couple of days. i don't have a lot of plans while i am there, mainly just sleeping, eating at real food daily, and wearing sandals.

ok.

i saw a bee on the way to work today! it wasn't doing the bee dance that i could discern but i'm pretty sure bees don't come out in the winter. i'm kind of scared of bees, but not as scared as i am of huge hornets and wasps.
now is the time that i would like to point out all the good things coming up:

my favorite advisor from kepler is coming to nyc to give a workshop at the new york chapter of the national council for geocosmic research. was that enough links for you? he will be here this weekend along with one of my kepler classmates, so hopefully we can all say hi to each other and dork out.

my wonderful soft and understanding friend heidi used one of her guest passes to get me a badge to go to the living a fearless life conference put on in nyc by omega. i am very excited to see robert kennedy speak. i have seen him before, and he is an amazingly inspiring speaker. must be in the genes. lynda barry will also be there, and so will brian weiss and michael moore. should be good.

we are seeing grandaddy friday! and the weekend ahead, though it contains some activity surrounding the NCGR stuff, will afford me some time to get caught up on schoolwork too.

life is so incredibly busy and i'm very thankful for that.

i'd like to note that i don't have the sense of guilt i usually have surrounding asking for time off from work. i asked for the week of my symposium (school) off and i just... it's really important. more important than other things.

my pal stephen is at omega and has bee updating his journal on his site with pictures and stories of his time there. so if you had fun reading about my adventures at omega a couple of summers ago, you should read his.

goals:
- yoga at least once a week (hopefully twice but time is a problem)
- cooking lots, perhaps feeding kristin and eric (neighborhood vegan/vegetarians)
- keeping on top of schoolwork

errata:
- i checked in with HR and my insurance doesn't suck as bad as i thought

astrology:
-moon is in taurus, waxing crescent.

i can remember the way you looked before the dam broke. simpler, more restrained. there was a constant ambient feeling of something else being trapped inside you. you were made up of pieces. i understood you the least of all things and that is the seed of love.
transformation is, in some ways, sudden and violent. the way my heart felt when i left you that night to walk up 22nd street and clutch a tree, sobbing and dry heaving under the ruthless moon; that was sudden and violent. but transformation also takes so long, our whole lives, and every moment is building up to every other. in times of shock the world speeds up on its axis, rolls over us, leaves us for dead under an uncaring sky. recovery is a revelation. as we wake up from this, we find more things intact than we could have anticipated.

...

toshok sent me california in every way he knew how. including the pacific ocean in a jar.

to jim, i said:

/m jh i feel kind of sad that the ocean has been separated from the rest of the
ocean. but in a way i am kind of a piece of ocean that has been separated from the rest of the ocean. for this time period only
/m jh so me and the jar of the pacific relate